autism

I was speaking with a friend yesterday who told me that she is keeping her six year-old daughter in overnight diapers because she doesn’t want her son (who has special needs) to feel bad that his younger sister can make it through the night.  I was outraged for this poor little girl and tried to reason with my friend to no avail.  Boy is this kid going to give her therapist an ear-full one day.

Although one might morn for what one child can not do, it is so important to let your other children move on.   The other siblings can show your special one what is going on in the real world.  Our”typical” children have it hard enough dealing with the lack of “normalcy” of having a special needs household.  It is so important for them that they are aloud to experience life in as  typical a way as possible.  To hold them back in anyway just because you don’t want the other sibling to feel bad is doing everyone an in justice.

As a caregiver for someone with autism it may, at times, seem or feel like a thankless task.  It is ok to feel bad when you are not being treated well by your children, whether it is intentional or special needs driven.  It may be very discouraging.  Again, the same goes for parents of typical children.  It is important to let your kids know when they are acting inappropriately even if it is towards you.  You deserve better.    However, when our kids do show us that they appreciate our efforts it means more to us than anyone could ever understand.   

It can be extremely challenging to get our kids to go with the flow, especially because the flow changes all the time.  Many of them get so stressed out when change occurs.  Unfortunately for those of us with busy lives, some things can not have a definite day, time or destination.  So what do we do with our children that have such difficulties processing that this is the way things have to be.  As with other challenges that this diagnosis presents, we just have to work through it.  Sometimes we will be left with unhappy kids but as a parent you have to do what you have to do.  The reprecussions are usually not a pretty site  but in the long run they are learning life skills. Coping techniques are not one of those things that our kids might have naturally.  Explore ways that will work for your child to chill them out.  The flexability aspect of life might need to be explained.(more than once).

I think in previous posts I have discussed my teen-age aspie fishing friend.  He is a walking encyclopedia of all that is fishing.  Luckily, for his parents, they have a creek behind their house where he is able to just go fish his little heart out.  Well,  his mother told me that he just got a very part time job at a local fishing store.  He is in his glory.  He works one afternoon a week and gets to sell,talk and be with fishing stuff.  How many of us would like a job dealing with something we have such a passion for?

While their passions  may need to be limited if interfering in daily tasks, in the work environment they can be the motivator that can provide them with fulfillment and accomplishment.  I know my fishing friend is very happy with his current position.

When choosing the doctors that treat your child’s symptoms don’t feel pressured to use any one. You are the management team for your child’s care and it is up to you to hire the right person for the job. Just because your friend tells you that one doctor is the best, does not mean that he is the best for your child. You must feel comfortable to communicate with them and you must observe how they relate to your child. Not all doctors will have the same bed side manner. You are not necessarily looking for a friend but you don’t want someone who you are not comfortable with either. Many of the more “well known” doctors have unbelievable case loads because many parents feels that they are missing out on something if they don’t use them. However, when a practice gets to big you might find that they can’t provide the attention that you want or feel that you need.

Everyone will make at least one mistake in their life time. Nobody is perfect, not our precious little children nor ourselves, contrary to what one may believe. The problem with so many of our children is they are tougher on themselves then most. I think that a lot of it has to do with them not getting those gray areas. It is important for us to guide our children through their despair of having made a mistake and to help them to learn from it while helping them to get over it. Tney must be aware of the consequences of their actions as to help guide them towards future decisions. Social Stories,( stories that provide different examples of the situation you are addressing) can be a tool used for this situation.

This dilemma tends to be more of a problem for boys than girls. There are a lot of girls pants made with elastic waists, even for the older girls. If anyone who sews is reading this, start a business making older boys elastic waist pants that are cool looking. They can have a fake fly or whatever else they do for the younger boys. After the toddler category all the jeans for boys, for some reason, go right to buttons or hard snaps. Some of our kids are delayed in these fine motor skills are not present till they become a little older. One idea for dress pants that worked for us was; I took the pants to a tailor and had them remove the button and replace it with velcro.

For those children who get stuck on a topic it is their care givers job to redirect. While you can take the opportunity to engage in conversation, when it gets to the point where you have beat the subject to death but your kid still wants to talk about their chosen topic for the next three hours it is time to “change the subject”. As with any child, a warning that you will be stopping their preferred activity can be useful to help them transition to a new topic. “In five minutes we will change the subject to…” Most of our kids are very visual so you can use a clock. Timers with alarms do not work well for kids who are sound sensitive, but those sand timers can be useful.

Some of our kids can be harmful to themselves during a tantrum. Especially in the early years of therapy. A tantrum does not necessarily need to be stopped if the child is not injuring themselves or others. I have watched many typical children throw themselves to the floor and kick and scream. If the tantrum is leading towards self injurious behaviors or the possible injury of others you must restrain your child. The basket hold is good, you secure one arm around their knees and arms and the other is used to keep the head still. Is this a pretty sight, no… But as a parent this can be just one of those things that comes along with the territory.

Finding activities that you can enjoy with your child can be quiet challenging to some. When autistic kids are younger and just starting their therapies it can be some what frustrating and upsetting to just sit by and watch them do what they do. Especially because some of the activities that our young ones do can be really out there. Trying to engage them in conversation or activities that you see other kids their age doing can be futile at this point. It usually does get easier with therapy and time. One activity that a lot of kids do enjoy is simple play with shaving cream. You can get white or different colors. It is a good sensory activity and you can join in to the play time. Use a table top or vinyl table cloth and just squirt. Depending where your child is with play skills you might have to show them how to smush it around, make lines, squigglies, hide little toys or what ever floats their boat(actually a little plastic boat would be good). Don’t over due any new activity because they could get bored with it or “addicted”. You can just add it to your choices when picking out something to do.